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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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You don't have to understand to be understanding.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.