Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
