Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Wherever you go, there you are.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
