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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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Haters make you famous.

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.