I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
Everybody is a student for life.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
