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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.