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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Haters are just confused admirers.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.