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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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Always remember to smile.

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Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.