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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.