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I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.