There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
