There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Everybody is a student for life.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
You're only as good as your last game.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
