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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Don't wait for anybody to complete you.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.