What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
