What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
