What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
