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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.