If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Winners do what other people won't.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Everybody spread positivity.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
