Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
You live and you learn.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
