Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
