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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.