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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.