Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Immaturity keeps me young.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
