Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
