A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Make money, don't let it make you.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
