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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.