If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
