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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.