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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

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Perception is everything.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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Haters make you famous.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.