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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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Perception is everything.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!

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I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.