I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Always remember to smile.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
