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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Love needs to get glasses.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.