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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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Drunk words are sober thoughts.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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The lottery: voluntary taxation.