That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
Wherever you go, there you are.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
It's weird not to be weird.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
