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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Everybody is a student for life.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.