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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-