I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
True friends stab you in the front!
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
