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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.