I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
