I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Haters make you famous.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
It's weird not to be weird.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Always remember to smile.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
