I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
