I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
True friends stab you in the front!
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
