That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
The last thing I want to do is die.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Negativity is poison for the soul.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
