That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Take it easy, give it hard.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
