I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
F that B.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
