I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Haters are just confused admirers.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Everybody spread positivity.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
