I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
