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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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Drunk words are sober thoughts.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.