Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
The world is full of guys, be a man.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
