My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
