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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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I swear to drunk I'm not god.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.