The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
