The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
I eat problems, then shit out success.
