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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Love needs to get glasses.

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Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.