The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
