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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

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I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.