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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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You know you love her when people think you're crazy.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.