Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
Be positive for no reason.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
