Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Haters make you famous.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
