Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
It's weird not to be weird.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
