Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
