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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.