It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
