What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
True friends stab you in the front!
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
