What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
You're only as good as your last game.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
True friends stab you in the front!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
