What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
