Haters make you famous.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Love needs to get glasses.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Real eyes realize real lies.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
