Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
You're only as good as your last game.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
