Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
