I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Love needs to get glasses.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
