I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
