I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Haters are just confused admirers.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
