If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
