If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
