If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
