Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
