A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
The last thing I want to do is die.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
