A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Perception is everything.
Playing comes first, you can work later.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
