Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Always remember to smile.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
