Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
