Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
