Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
