Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
