Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
True friends stab you in the front!
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
