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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.