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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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Everybody is a student for life.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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Immaturity keeps me young.

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.