Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Always remember to smile.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
