Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
True friends stab you in the front!
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
