I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Always remember to smile.
