Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
