Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
The last thing I want to do is die.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
True friends stab you in the front!
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
