Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
