Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
Be positive for no reason.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.