Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
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