Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
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