Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.