Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
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