Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
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