Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Love needs to get glasses.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
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