Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
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