Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
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