Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
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