The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
