Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
