Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
