Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
F that B.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
