Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
F that B.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Make money, don't let it make you.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
