Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Everybody spread positivity.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
Everybody is a student for life.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
