Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
Winners do what other people won't.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Wherever you go, there you are.
