Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Everybody spread positivity.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
It's weird not to be weird.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
