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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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Be positive for no reason.

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If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.

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When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".