If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Always remember to smile.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
It's weird not to be weird.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
