If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
