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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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S_CCESS can't be complete without U.

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Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.