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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.