If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
