If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Real eyes realize real lies.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
