When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Winners do what other people won't.
