When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
