When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
