There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
It's weird not to be weird.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
