There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
