There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
