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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".