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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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Some people should be high-fived...in the face.