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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.