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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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Haters make you famous.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.