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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.