Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Perception is everything.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
