Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
