When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
