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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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I swear to drunk I'm not god.

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You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.