Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Winners do what other people won't.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
