Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Everybody spread positivity.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
